24 Hours in Bankok
OK...I think this is a basic re-cap of my first 24 hours in Bangkok (I don't
plan on spending too many hours here).
I've learned a couple of things in Bangkok.....Everyone wants to be your
'girlfriend' and everyone wants to make me a silk suit! (Oh yeah, and
everything is dirt cheap...I'm surprised I have not met more jewish people).
So, lets start at my ride from the airport. I get my first offer for a
'girlfriend' at the airport...She's selling the tickets for the bus (and
she's got to get out of her dead end job)! I say I can't be her boyfriend
because her shoes are four inches high and I'm worried that she'll fall (It
is clear that both americans and thai don't understand my humor
immediately)....Interestingly, I meet this Japanese snowboarded...He speaks
good English so I'm trying to tell him that he needs to get out to the
states and what not....
On the bus ride to my hotel, I am totally immersed in my book...So I
slightly hear this "RRRR" but I ignore it...Oh shit! That was my stop...I
don't realize this until we're at the end of the line and the bus driver
says in broken English, "I said RRRRRRR, didn't you hear me"...He explains
that he has to make a personal stop, but then he can take me in....I am very
excited to learn that I have ESPN at the hotel.
So, I go to the Grand Palace the next day and I see the snowboarder
dude...That was weird......On the way back, I'm walking around this park and
this one guy tries to clearly hustle me (but, its entertaining to hear these
guys at work)...and they're so organized its unbelievable...I tell this guy
that I'm from San Jose and staying at the Baan Sabin (I'm not really staying
there)...I leave him and continue to walk around the park...and then this
dude calls me and says he saw me at the Baan Sabin and that he went to UC
Santa Cruz (He didn't know their mascot was a Banana Slug...come on if
you're going to scam someone you should know that your mascot was a banana
slug).....If dot.com were this well run, we would still have jobs.
So, I get back to the hotel and I decide to have a Singha...I don't realize
that I'm at happy hour at the Doll-Doll bar (Who could know, it looked like
a Tiki Bar on the street)...Now things get weird...This one, let's say, girl
says..."Teem Allen...Teem Allen" (Now, how can this happen...I'm half way
around the world...) Well, this makes me even more popular with the
'girlfriends.' I explain to all of them that I won't talk to them unless
they submit to a blood test (they giggle...not understanding what I
say...again my humor is not understood in all languages and cultures)....
So, I end up going back to my hotel that has this 'beer garden' with a band
(It's more like live kareoke!)...Oh my god they sang "My Way" in Thai...now
I'm livin'. I ask if they can play Phish (more blank looks, but they can
sing Rio)
...This English guy is now explaining to me the virtue of the 'girlfriend'
system...He has a very nice one...he tells me how he comes here once every
two months to meet girlfriends...Now, my jewish self takes over
completely...I query him on his blood testing and protection methods (He has
none)...and what would his mother think (Oh shit..his mom is probably a
goner this fat bastard is probably 55...not that I think he's going to make
it to 60, and he's clearly not )...All the 'girlfriends' think were English
(I've come to enjoy that people think I'm british here)
The 'girlfriend' posse now wants to dance to Gloria Gaynor's "I will
survive"...I get sentimental thinking who's going to get kicked off Survivor
since I can't see it here (I think Kucha should get rid of Colby...that
would be the strategic move)...Oh no...The fat bastard has said something
mean to his girl, she's crying...he calls her a name and tells me he's
leaving and asks me if I want to follow (uh....NO) .....Wait, now she'll
want to talk to me she's a serious professional not like the hollywood
chasers who just want to party...now I've got to scramble...so I run into
the 'net cafe and start writing...
This is my longest email ever...Off to Nepal....
posted by -Wave- @ 5:36 PM
